Garage organization madness

[Jon]

Like many of us, I've fallen down the internet rabbit hole of garage organization ideas. So many of these ideas seem brilliant when you see them on the internet, but are so incredibly impractical in the real world.

This is a theme of the internet today: something looks clever and Pinterest-y, but has problems with real-world application. An organizing trick that isn't practical, a beautiful but uncomfortable piece of furniture, or a delicious-looking recipe that just tastes bad. These ideas are a mix of earnest but misplaced ingenuity, and writers desperate for more "tips and tricks".

To be fair: some of these organization ideas are clever and applicable in some situations. But they congregate around the same familiar cast of characters:


The Muffin Man
The Muffin Man is your classic wacky garage storage idea guy.

Mmmmmmm! Fresh fasteners, hot out of the oven. Bon appetit!

Don't worry, he only uses "heavy gauge" muffin tins.


The Muffin Man uses this custom tote for transporting muffin tin fastener containers. Is that a half-eaten muffin on the table? Plus another muffin mixed in with the fasteners, for later? If you ever see this in real life, run.



Here's The Muffin Man's cousin, The Bag Boy. Fun fact: this is how they store fasteners on the space shuttle. I read it on the internet, so it must be true.




The Thorough Labeler
What is this crazy unidentified tool? Oh wait, just look at the label - it's called a "shovel". Thank you, Thorough Labeler.




The Overhead Storage Genius
I guess this is clever. Lattice is just thin strips of wood stapled together, maybe it would break, I don't know. But the red flag here is that this guy is bearing the smug look of the Overhead Storage Genius.



Can you get down the one labeled "bricks" please?



For easy retrieval, just switch these around in summer and winter.



Per the diagram, don't ever bump this more than 2 inches.




The Closet Cross-Storer
The Closet Cross-Storer knows that garages are just giant closets for men. This shoe organizer should work perfectly. I'd like some black spray enamel, please. Just remove every single black paint can so I can read the labels.





The Ultimate Workbench Dude
Nice workbench buddy, but I bet it's not The Ultimate Workbench!!! I think this one even stores muffins. Just don't hit it too hard.





The Spinster
Round and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows. In all fairness, these sorts of things can be useful. But The Spinster doesn't realize that just because something can spin, doesn't mean it should.


This reminds me of the classic "I want the knife" scene with Eddie Murphy in The Golden Child.

Pegboard McGyver
I like pegboard. I think you're supposed to just mount it on a wall.

This has all the marks of a Peggy McGyver build. That's a slow, careful roll. Why does stuff like this always prominently feature genuine Ryobi brand tools?



I guess this could maybe be useful, but it looks like someone was really reaching deep for garage organization ideas. Gosh, what a dandy fellow - he trimmed it out and everything. And he slightly rolled up his shirt sleeve before deploying a tool from the starboard pegboard array.




This one reminds me of the classic '80s movie scene with the guy on the street selling counterfeit watches out of his trench coat. But instead of hanging out in the gritty downtown area of a city, this shady character lurks in the alley behind Home Depot. Hey kid, wanna buy a saw?




The Hangman
I'd like the paintbrush in the middle, please. Don't worry, I'll be sure to wash it when I'm done. Then I'll remove half of the brushes, and place this wet brush in the middle, put back half the brushes, and then hang it over my head to drip dry. That's how the pros do it!



The Hangman can also be a Closet Cross-Storer. Let's see, we've got packaging tape, masking tape, and of course, macaroni and cheese tape. Quick question: Do you know The Muffin Man?



Previously: Vintage fuel nozzles as design elements