Shop Truths, Phrases, Tales; and Outright Lies

[Toolmaker51]

May we digress; this found wandering. Few would search it...

Septic Tank Humor
Septic tanks pumped. Swimming pools filled. Not the same truck.
Do Not Flush: Sanitary Products, Used Diapers, Tissues & Q-Tips, Cotton Balls, Kittens & Puppies, Tiny Humans, Hopes & Dreams.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank. – Erma Bombeck
The only reason your neighbor’s grass is greener is because their septic tank is overflowing.

Naturally, in this business, got to have a truck with proper advertising

Back off! We ain’t hauling milk
We Haul Milk On The Weekends
Caution: Stool Bus
Your Number 2 is Our Number 1!
Number 1 in the Number 2 Business
Thanks for Flushing Our Business Down the Drain
A Flush Beats a Full House
Satisfaction Guaranteed or 110% of your product back
Hauling Political Promises
Back off! We ain't hauling milk.
Yesterday’s Meals On Wheels
You Think Your Job Stinks?
Virginia Pump and Motor Public Stools
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
The Turd Burglars
The Turdinator
Dr. Pumper – Septic Surgeons
Surrender The Poo (with Skull and crossbones of course)
Do You Really Want To Do This Yourself?
Money In The Tank
You Dump It… We Pump It!
Pumping Today For A Cleaner Tomorrow
Scratch and Sniff (over the pumping hose valve)

[Toolmaker51]

COVID-19 notwithstanding......from my perspective not even a factor.

We all receive calls from the billing office of so-and-so, usually day or two ahead of a due-date, especially when we refuse autopayment options.
Well yesterday, received such a call, probably not 25 seconds total, discounting 'this is a recorded call.....' blurb. Next day an email, with lame enticement to report on the interaction with representative 'X' appears in junk folder.
Not one to reject fellow business types [despite immense corporate footprint] hungry for feedback, streamlined the process [avoided canned answers of programmed survey] replied directly to their plea.....-with redaction and emphasis in type underlining.

From: FxxxO <customerfeedback@fxxxO.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2021 11:01 AM
To: w@hotmail(dot)com
Subject: Requesting your feedback

From FxxxxO

Dear (my name);

You recently visited with one of our representatives at FxxxO, the issuer of your credit card. We’re committed to serving you and your feedback is essential to us in fulfilling that commitment.

Would you please take a minute to complete this brief survey about your experience?

We sincerely appreciate your time.

[here you'd find 'click here for survey' button]
[below that, because haven't talent to generate a poll on their own, utilizing one of numerous poll-generating software offers online]. Gawd forbid true interactions!
We have partnered with InMoment, Inc. to collect your feedback. Clicking the button above will direct you to an InMoment site to complete the survey.

-----------replied with the following, for FREE. used repeatedly, wrote it once, saved to copy paste there on.

"We'd appreciate" is newspeak; translation = 'using your time, tell us valuable marketing info without expectation of compensation'.
Ok, here's mine.....
a) nothing changed customer-facing interactions in past 900 years.
b) I'm surprised that a room stuffed with cubicles of 1-year MBA's is unaware of that.
c) additional consultation is $180 USD, 4 hour minimum.

Respectfully,
[my name aka Toolmaker51]
555-666-7777 mobile

Their email closes with disclaimers and Unsubscribe, nice feature there, used of course. Next page conveys this.
You have successfully unsubscribed from FxxxO promotional e-mail offers.
Imagine my disappointment -- times up!

[Toolmaker51]

In Marv Klotz's post on Extending the range of calipers in Best Made Homemade Tools section, post *29, our WmRMeyers wrote...

A lot of kids don't get abstract. That is apparently something that develops after the teen years, for most folks. And for decades, that is all they taught in school. I hope they someday learn to actually follow the research on what when and how to teach. I wasn't seeing a great deal of it when I was teaching, and that ended in 2012, finally, though I should have realized it was really done in 2008.

Per his first three sentences. Yikes, what is more liberal than abstract? What could be more abstract than liberal?

It's established the young are liberal, naturally. Just occurred to me that is being taken advantage of, by means of slick presentation, abstract concepts 'seem' fully developed and logical, though errant. No different than propaganda fostering indoctrination.
Without exposure otherwise, how will they know?

I have a forced association [relative] with a rabid liberal. This person applauds current administration's push, of labeling day care centers as infrastucture. "Oh my yes, they dovetail right in with electrical grid, highways, construction industry and materials, employment..."
It gets more convoluted, after pointing out infrastructure projects affect the masses; being rather monumental, somewhat freestanding, elemental to first world development.

[Frank S]

And to think all along I was under the impression that due to my poorly controlled dyslexia that I was the world's worst wordsmith. I Really got a good laugh out of this one I did for sure.
The composer of said email reminds me of someone who has learned English as their 2nd or 3rd language with only a mediocre command of the usage or meanings of pronouns, found access to an online Thesaurus containing 17th century colonial mannerisms, not fully comprehending their very dated usage in common everyday language.

[Philip Davies]

Quite a journey, this thread. Thanks for some interesting stories. Reading every word has taken half a day. You chaps have very different backgrounds to mine. Going back toTM51’s first post, about the two dufuses and Who, you mentioned “War and Peace” but I found that easier to understand! But what I did understand was fascinating. I came on to the Off-Topic forum because I have a story to relate about management and corporate imaging and wonder whether it is relevant here?

[Toolmaker51]

Quite a journey, this thread......<Snipped>.......... I came on to the Off-Topic forum because I have a story to relate about management and corporate imaging and wonder whether it is relevant here?

ABSOLUTELY! Post Away, to your heart's content and beyond.

It was initiated because I just knew that old poem wasn't far and wide, leading into related tales. The responses prove the point over and over, and humbly channeled my inner Shakespeare (perhaps Coen Brothers instead?) in subsequent posts. Glad to have named it so, was to be called "To" or "For" "Anyone Who's Drawn A Check"

[Philip Davies]

Thank you kindly.
This is about corporate imaging.
I walked down the corridor at work one day, and saw that the signs on the office doors had been replaced. It was still “Headmaster”, “Bursar”, “Head of English”, etc.
Nothing wrong with the old labels. It was a re-branding exercise! Unfortunately, since the new signs were smaller and differently proportioned, the shadows of the previous signs remained visible.
Meanwhile, the staff-room, where the management graciously brought distinguished visitors to observe the hoi polloi, retained the original seating, with the ripped upholstery, the greasy 3-piece suites that had been dumped, and the curtains that had remained unwashed since their installation. What an impression that made!
“A foolish people, who lack understanding, who have eyes, but see not...”

[Toolmaker51]

Yup, Phillip, you found the place.
That kind of window dressing, makes you wonder what conditions get full treatment. Here, past 5-10 years, bigger utilities have bought up local utilities, and some dippy committee renames the entire assemblage, "to reflect the larger customer base" nonsense. Result is a made up word, or one that has no logical connection to the product. Always some s**t about bringing savings to customers too. Can never find a disclosure of monies spent on billboards, new letterheads, uniform changes, relabeling vehicles, webpages, every customer adjusting their bill pay records...and zero about jettisoned materials.
I think the real goal disguises monopolies, past lawsuits and tax irregularities.

One shop carried their name 56 years, bought up by out of state corporation. Polled us about prospective names. I posted a picture, brass label on a PEXTO pan brake. Underlining their 'Since 1797' claim, and pointing others not made anymore, but name and value remain.
No one logically changes a winner.

[Philip Davies]

You’re too right!
What set me off recalling past traumas was hearing that the organisation I work for was proposing a cosmetic re-brand. New shop fronts, new work shirts, whole range of stationery, etc.
Now, our function is to supply furniture and household goods to those in need. (Sometimes they are not so needy, but mostly they are. In desperate need.) my work, which I have done since my crack up and early retirement, is furniture repair and shopfitting, by which is meant installation of fittings in commercial premises. But I also collect non ferrous metal or dismantle stuff. This makes a muddle, but they do quite well. In the UK, you can no longer turn up at a scrapyard and come away with cash. They send cheques when I bring them the ticket.
So I am straining my fingers, wearing out tools and I doubt that I get them more than 50p an hour. Meanwhile, the staff who sort the bric a brac are unaware that old brass, pewter etc fetches high money and throw tatty objects into the rubbish, to landfill. All they have to do is keep it for the van guys and bring it to me in the warehouse. I have been telling them this for over a decade.
So the argument goes that the shops look a little bit “tired”.
When they opened their new furniture store, which is actually very presentable to the customers, I partitioned off an office space, reclaiming plasterboard from the alterations. Couldn’t do a ceiling, no money for it. So you have this gloomy interior space where the admin have to sit all day, and WHERE THEY BRING THE INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE , like the mayor and the bishop!
Still it’s all about style, not substance.
Hope you enjoyed this anecdote.
Kind regards
Philip

[Toolmaker51]

I can think of precious few not to appreciate. Oddly enough, here the 'regulars' object to them as well! I know such reinforcement is beneficial, just as airing such mindless activities can do.
Divisive?
I hope so, those complaining about it do not understand individualism.

Meanwhile......last year I tried to buy work uniforms. Pundamnic had slowed any useful production of needed items more than just noticeably. This was playing as I parked in shop lot. Came out with a fraction that I wanted and ready to pay for. Supply and Demand, right? Fired truck up, CD restarted on its own.
Pick the lyrics, so opportune, playing as I swore at the conditions.

James McMurtry "We can't make it here"

Lyrics
There's a Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign
Sitting there by the left turn line
The flag on his wheelchair flapping in the breeze
One leg missing and both hands free
No one?s paying much mind to him
The V.A. budget?s just stretched so thin
And now there's more coming back from the Mideast war
We can't make it here anymore

And that big ol? building was the textile mill
That fed our kids and it paid our bills
But they turned us out and they closed the doors
'Cause we can't make it here anymore

You see those pallets piled up on the loading dock
They're just gonna sit there ?til they rot
?Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack
Just busted concrete and rusted tracks
Empty storefronts around the square
There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere
You don't come down here unless you're looking to score
We can't make it here anymore

The bar?s still open but man it?s slow
The tip jar?s light and the register?s low
The bartender don't have much to say
The regular crowd gets thinner each day
Some have maxed out all their credit cards
Some are working two jobs and living in cars
Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink
If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. C.E.O.
See how far 5.15 an hour will go
Take a part time job at one your stores
I bet you can't make it here anymore

And there's a high school girl with a bourgeois dream
Just like the pictures in the magazine
She found on the floor of the laundromat
A woman with kids can forget all that
If she comes up pregnant what'll she do
Forget the career and forget about school
Can she live on faith? Live on hope?
High on Jesus or hooked on dope
When it?s way too late to just say no
You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store
Just like the ones we made before
?Cept this one came from Singapore
I guess we can't make it here anymore

Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin
Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in
Should I hate ?em for having our jobs today
No I hate the men sent the jobs away

I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams
All lily white and squeaky clean
They've never known want, they'll never know need
Their **** don't stink and their kids won't bleed
Their kids won't bleed in their damn little war
And we can't make it here anymore

Will I work for food, will I die for oil
Will kill for power and to us the spoils
The billionaires get to pay less tax
The working poor get to fall through the cracks

So let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake
Let 'em eat ****, whatever it takes
They can join the Air Force or join the Corps
If they can't make it here anymore

So that's how it is, that's what we got
If the president wants to admit it or not
You can read it in the paper, read it on the wall
Hear it on the wind if you're listening at all
Get out of that limo, look us in the eye

Call us on the cell phone tell us all why
In Dayton Ohio or Portland Maine
Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains
That's done closed down along with the school
And the hospital and the swimming pool

Dust devils dance in the noonday heat
There's rats in the alley and trash in the street
Gang graffiti on a boxcar door
We can't make it here anymore

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: James Mcmurtry
We Can't Make It Here lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.